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Ten Excellent Ways to Stay Stressed Out in a Diverse Workforce

by Marty Brown

1. Do not communicate openly by expressing how you feel, especially with someone who is different from you! Do not ask for help. Allow supervisors, customers, anyone to walk all over you. Always try to make others happy, especially if they look different. Above all, go to all lengths to avoid upsetting them, you don’t want any trouble. Or heaven forbid, they file a discrimination suit against you!

2. Harbor resentment and seethe often. Gripe, whine, and complain about all the advantages all those people have. The world and work are not fair. Chronic bitchitis helps you avoid intimacy and emotional ties that just might help lower your stress. Spend at least two and a half hours a day doing this; it does wonders for your blood pressure. Keep your personal distance, especially from you know whom. The more distance, the more stress!

3. The reason you cannot be too confident in your own skills is that all those people keep taking advantage of you. That is the same reason you can’t express your real beliefs or your opinions, with the exception of bitching in the women’s/men’s rooms of course! Accept blindly the judgments of others and definitely personalize ALL the criticism you hear, or think you hear. Stay offended as long as you can. Hold on tight!

 

4. Practice nasty, mean, humiliating, embarrassing, and hateful behaviors towards those people - naw, make it everyone! Slam dunk at least a dozen people a day. Know everyone wants to hear your hate messages. Gossip at every opportunity and concentrate on spreading rumors about quotas, “the only reason she got promoted is because she is a women, ”management won’t discipline him because he is black,” etc. Guaranteed, your turn will come!

 

5. Do not develop a support system. After all, you can’t trust those people and don’t show any weakness by asking from help from anyone. Languish in loneliness. Suffer, suffer, suffer! Carry that heavy ball with pride!

6. Avoid & procrastinate. You don’t have to associate with anyone you don’t want to at work, especially them. Even if you need to talk with one of them to get your job done, procrastinate until your boss forces the issue. Then make sure they know you had no choice but to talk with them. Builds great teamwork and enhances your reputation!

 

7. Keep looking for a job where you will be with the absolute majority, with a minimum of them. In order to enhance your chances of reaching this career goal, make sure all interviewers know all about your primary goal! This will enhance your marketability and open new career choices for you!

 

8. Avoid the urge to manage time. Because of all those slackers, you are the one of the few who can get things done right! You can keep track of things in your head; you don’t need one of those fancy electronic gadgets! Be available to everyone, well, almost everyone. Take on more projects than you can handle. Say, “yes” whenever you are asked, and above all, avoid being assertive.

 

9. Tell all the different people that you are not biased or prejudiced. That’s the reason you avoid that “touchy-feely,” waste of time, training classes. If they didn’t make them mandatory, no one would show up. We should be spending that time forming a Majority Council. It probably won’t stress you out too much telling these lies, but it will enhance your creditability tremendously!

 

10. Know in your heart of hearts that someday things will be righted. Find other workers that think like you. Start planning. Caution: be very secretive about this step! Especially don’t let any of those diversity-preaching managers get wind of it!

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